As a fantasy football freak and an overall pigskin junkie this is my favorite time of year.  Free agency begins, players start changing zip codes and everyone feels like their team has a shot to hoist the Lombardi Trophy.….every fan of every team has hope.

Let me give you a caveat before you read any further.  If you are not familiar with my writings over the last few seasons you probably don’t know that while my fantasy prowess is unparalleled my choices as a sports fan are horrible. My favorite pro teams are the San Francisco Giants, Los Angeles Clippers, and Cleveland Browns.  I have a dark cloud that has followed me since my pre-teen years in the mid 80’s as a Browns fan that suffered through “The Drive” in ’86, “The Fumble” in ’87 and was capped off when my beloved Browns packed up and moved to Baltimore in 1996.  If I had a neck I would have hung myself by now to stop the pain that has been the Browns since 1999 combined with watching the former Browns win a Super Bowl for the anti-christ Art Modell. I have been dragged through the bowels of hell as a sports fan for most of my life.  I hang on to the last few strands of hope, praying that someday my time will come.  Then, as fast as you can say “LaCharles Bentley” it all goes away.  Most of my nights are spent watching SportsCenter in the dark, awaiting more inevitable bad news.

But a new day is here.  The Browns won the coin toss against the Buccaneers to get the # 3 pick in the 2007 draft.  This draft class is definitely not the best in recent memory but there are still players that can make a difference.  JaMarcus Russell is a beast of a man that can chuck the ball over 80 yards.  Joe Thomas is the kind of guy that can anchor your O-line for a decade.  Thinking of Calvin Johnson alongside Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow II excites me (literally).  But what I want the most is an explosive running back that can take this offense to the next level.  The kind of guy that can grow with this team and be the catalyst to multiple playoff runs over the next few years.  That man is Adrian Peterson.  He is the man that needs to be coming up to the stage and taking pictures with that beautiful brown and orange jersey.  He is the one to help me forget about all of the terrible draft picks the Browns have made since they came back in 1999.  He is my savior.  The stars are aligned for something to go right for us Browns fans.  Forget Tim Couch, Courtney Brown and William Green.  I can even forgive the fact that we gave up a second round pick to move up from number 7 to number 6 when Kellen Winslow would have been there anyways.  Let’s start over.  Adrian Peterson will make it all go away.

Then it happened.  While I was having lunch yesterday looking at my tickets for the ACC tourney here in Tampa this weekend, enjoying myself in the beautiful weather of Central Florida I was hit with a salvo of horrible news that came at me harder than Peter North in his prime.  My Blackberry vibrated and I saw the following text message from one of my best friends and lifelong Steelers fan.

“THE BROWNS JUST SIGNED JAMAL LEWIS!  SO LONG ADRIAN PETERSON!”

I was in complete shock.  I broke out in a cold sweat.  I even threw up in my mouth a little.  I knew what was coming next.  I sat in horror, staring at my phone as seconds passed by like they were hours.  Then, with sounds like gunfire my phone started bouncing all over the table as it was bombarded with text messages from people all over the country.  My family, friends and people I work with found it amusing to send me similar messages.  With each new vibration signaling an incoming message I felt more and more violated.  I felt like Ned Beatty in Deliverance, Jodie Foster in The Accused and Tim Robbins in Shawshank Redemption rolled into one. My world was crashing down around me.  Could the Browns really be that f’ing stupid again?  Peterson is the obvious choice here, but with Lewis on the team they won’t want to pay that much money to a rookie running back.  My sources tell me they don’t want to spend that high of a pick on another wideout so Calvin Johnson is out.  I searched my mind for the player they could put in AP’s spot at #3 and none of the options seemed right.  Gaines Adams, Jamaal Anderson and Alan Branch are all HUGE reaches at #3.  LaRon Landry and Levi Brown can’t go that high. I knew there was no other option than the most horrible choice imaginable.  The choice that will set the franchise back another 5 years like Tim Couch did.  The only logical choice for the Browns given what they had just done became a reality for me as the 20th text message in 12 minutes rolled in.  This one was from my older brother.  He didn’t even put in a message of his own.  It was simply a link to an article whose headline was this:

“BROWNS IMPRESSED WITH QUINN AT HIS PRO-DAY WORKOUT”

I had seen this article before but did not read it.  I felt like if I didn’t acknowledge it then it couldn’t happen.  Just like I did in 1999 when I ignored the existence of Tim Couch hoping the Browns would take Donovan McNabb or Edgerrin James instead.   Slowly I started to accept it.  I am doomed to a life of mediocrity as a football fan.  The Browns are going to draft Brady Quinn.

The waitress at the restaurant where I was having lunch even came over and asked if I was ok.  I muttered a few obscenities as I paid my bill and left.  I called my boss and told him that I needed to take the rest of the day off.  I suddenly felt lost, like my entire world was gone.  I had to go home and do some serious soul searching.  

Once I got home it didn’t get any better.  My computer is in a room full of sports memorabilia, the majority of it being of the Browns or LSU (I attended from 91-95).  I sat at my desk, deleting email after email about the horrible event that just happened.  Then, in a brief moment of horrifying clarity I came to the one realization that I have needed to come to for the last 10 years.

I DON’T THINK I CAN BE A BROWNS FAN ANYMORE.

I am suffering from the sports equivalent of “Battered Woman Syndrome”.  You know, the woman that keeps going back to some jerk that hits her then says how sorry he is and that it won’t happen again.  Then a few weeks later the woman doesn’t bring home the right brand of ham and the guy lets Mr. Backhand come out and do a little talking again right across her cheek.  This time she is gone.  She doesn’t deserve this.  But again, he apologizes and she forgives him.  It’s a terrible cycle (even though she should have known what kind of ham to bring home).  So they are still together even though neither of them are happy.  That’s where I am at with the Browns.  The keep slapping me in the face with their blatant stupidity and for some reason I stay with them.  

Now I don’t want to bash Brady Quinn.  Well, actually I do.  He is not going to be good in the NFL.  This years’ Sugar Bowl only proved my point.  LSU was all over him, confused him and made him look incredibly ordinary.  Defenses only get better from this point on Mr. Quinn.  To me you are Heath Shuler reincarnated.  You have no right to wear the colors of my beloved Cleveland Browns.  I hope you enjoy the millions of dollars Charlie Weis, a cupcake schedule and the fact that for some reason Notre Dame is still looked at as a football powerhouse has gotten you.  I would really like to thank you for making me realize that I don’t have to put up with it anymore.  The Browns don’t care about me.  I’ve supported them for 23 of my 33 years on this earth and what do I have to show for it other than a buttload of Bernie Kosar stuff?  They don’t care about winning.  They will draft who they can market, not who can help them win.  You have helped me realize this Brady and for that I thank you.

So now I sit here and am ready to make this proclamation to the entire world.  I am going to do something that millions of fans don’t have the balls to do.  I am letting everyone know right now that if the Browns draft Brady Quinn over Adrian Peterson I am done.  I have come to my senses and will take my fanfare and dedication to another team.  This team will appreciate me and make sound decisions when it comes to how it operates.  This team will take me someplace I have never been before.  They will take me to the promised land where I get to see my favorite players holding the Lombardi Trophy while being coated in that stupid confetti they drop after end of the Super Bowl.  Most of all, they will show that they care about me.  For that, I will follow them whole-heartedly.  My new team will become:

The ARIZONA CARDINALS.

Oh boy.

Ouch.  That's the main word being uttered around fantasy leagues this week as so many players went down as we head into the first bye week of the season.  That's also what I can say about my predicting prowess, where if I had listened to my head I would have changed 3 games and gone 13-3 for the week.  Oh well, that's why I don't bet on football games. I do bet on fantasy football though, and that's where I know my prognosticating skills are much more sound.  Let's start off this week with my top pickups for bye weeks and injuries.  You won't find Brian Leonard, Kenny Watson and Dwayne Bowe on this list...I'm assuming if you aren't completely retarded you knew to snag these guys as quickly as possible.

QUARTERBACKS

1. BRIAN GRIESE - I could easily put him up there with Leonard and Watson, but this is more for a bye week fill in because he is playing Detroit.  I am not a believer in him long term but any QB against the Lions is a top 10 player in my opinion.
2. JEFF GARCIA - Last week Joey Harrington looked like the guy that we have always thought he could be.  That was due in large part to a Panthers secondary that is getting lit up every week.  Look for Garcia and Joey Galloway to connect the way they did against the Saints a couple of weeks ago. 
3. TRENT GREEN - The Dolphins found a serious rhythm against the Jets last week and that should continue against a defense that gives up a lot of points to the passing game. 
4. TRENT EDWARDS - The Bills are playing the Jets this week....see #3 right above this.  If I could give one piece of advice to Mr. Edwards it would be this.....THROW THE DAMN BALL TO LEE EVANS FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!

RUNNING BACKS

1. RON DAYNE/SAMKON GADO - Ahman Green likely won't play this week against Atlanta which means one of these two will tote the rock against a pourous Falcons D.  Dayne has some rib issues, so grab them both and start whichever one is named the #1 tailback for this week.
2. SAMMY MORRIS - Chances are he was just snagged off your waivers but if he isn't then grab him and play him for what should be a barnburner against the Bengals.  He is a good guy to have just for the TD potential every week.
3. AARON STECKER - I know the Saints are on a bye this week but this guy could have a lot of value for the rest of the year.  If you are jacked at Running Back then sacrifice this week if you need to and grab a guy that you know will be around the rest of the season.  Might I suggest Pierre Thomas, the rookie that the Saints chose to keep over Antonio Pittman as well.
4. THE INJURY BOYS - Here are a couple of guys that I think could get into the games this weekend due to their starting counterparts getting banged up a bit.  They could net you some yards and a TD if you are desperate.  SELVIN YOUNG, ADRIAN PETERSON (BEARS).  By the way, I'm already tired of clarifying which AP I am talking about all the time and it's only Week 4.  Ugh.

WIDE RECEIVERS

1. DEMETRIUS WILLIAMS - Cleveland gives it up easier than my prom date did so look for Demetrius to have a good day.
2. GREG JENNINGS - He burst back onto the scene with that late TD against the Chargers.  Pencil him in for another this week.
3. NATE WASHINGTON - Hines Ward looks very iffy for this week.  Go with Nate or Cedric Wilson to take his spot against Arizona.
4. MUSHIN MUHAMMAD - He and Griese have good chemistry and they are playing Detroit.  Nuff said.

TIGHT ENDS

1. OWEN DANIELS - With Andre Johnson and Jacoby Jones both hurting someone has to catch the ball as Matt Schaub shows his old team why they shouldn't have traded him.
2. JEFF KING - This guy would probably be #1 for me if I knew whether or not Delhomme was gonna start.
3. CHRIS BAKER - Seems like a tight end always scores for the Jets against the Bills.  I have know statistical data to back this up, just my feeling.
4. ZACH MILLER - Hell, you try and find 4 tight ends to write about.

There are so many kickers and defenses that can be out there in your leagues, just go with your gut and trust yourself.  I do really like Nick Folk, the young kicker from the Cowboys though.  Snag him if he is out there.

 

I actually got 3 emails last week that told me not to go so in depth on my picks for this week.  To quote a guy who calls himself "Midnight" here is Minneapolis -

 "Just give us your picks, Yeastie.  Spare me the attempts at humor or why you think teams will win." 

I have two words for you Midnight.  The first starts with F, the second is "you".  Here are my predictions for Week 4.

 

HOUSTON AT ATLANTA - I really want Matt Schaub to roll into the ATL and put the smackdown on the Falcons.  The Texans are doing things right this year and performed very well last week against Indy even though they were outgunned and outmatched.  HOUSTON 26-13

NEW YORK JETS AT BUFFALO - I really wish I saw Trent Edwards play more because I really think that Buffalo can take this one from the Jets.  But since I haven't, it just doesn't make sense to pick a team starting a rookie at QB and RB.  NY JETS 19-10

BALTIMORE AT CLEVELAND - I have to admit that Cleveland played much better last week than I thought they would.  Having said that, they should get their asses kicked this week against the Ravens.  BALTIMORE 28-14

ST. LOUIS AT DALLAS  - This just in.  St. Louis is struggling with injuries and on the offensive line.  Anyone know where I can get a Nick Folk jersey?  I love that guy!  DALLAS 34-17

CHICAGO AT DETROIT - I said it last week and i'll say it again....the Bears D always atarts to give up more points after Mike Brown is done for the year with an injury.  Detroit pulls off the upset and hangs with Green Bay in the division.  DETROIT 33-30.

OAKLAND AT MIAMI - Who?  No, who cares.  MIAMI (I REFUSE TO GIVE A SCORE)

GREEN BAY AT MINNESOTA - The Vikings don't let anyone run the ball, but they let everyone throw on them.  The Packers can't run the ball but they can throw it.  Besides that, Kelly Holcomb is starting and I like pissing off Vikings fans.  GREEN BAY 73-0

TAMPA BAY AT CAROLINA - This game is for first place in the division?!?!  Wow, I think the Yeastie curse really does exist.  I left Tampa and look at them now.  By the way Vikes fans, I'll be at the game on Sunday...HAHAHAHAHAHA   CAROLINA 21-20

SEATTLE AT SAN FRANCISCO - You think the Niners wish they still had Norv Turner as offensive coordinator?  I know the Chargers do.  SEATTLE 23-7.

PITTSBURGH AT ARIZONA - Man, I missed Kurt Warner.  PITTSBURGH 24-6

DENVER AT INDIANAPOLIS - I guarantee you two things will happen in this game.  Travis Henry will get hurt and Joseph Addai will be the leading scorer for running backs this week.  INDIANAPOLIS 30-17.

KANSAS CITY AT SAN DIEGO - We want Michael Turner!  We want Michael Turner!  SAN DIEGO 27-13

PHILADELPHIA AT NY GIANTS - Over/Under on how many times FOX shows Eli and his confused, "Awww shucks I just jacked things up look" is currently at 6.3.  I'll take the over.  Seriously, you guys count that this week.  I think Eli is autistic.  PHILADELPHIA 37-24

NEW ENGLAND AT CINCINNATI - Cincy loses games they should win and they lose games they should lose.  The only time they win is when...hell, I don't know when they will win again. ( I put that in there for you Marty.) NEW ENGLAND 38-31

Good luck to everyone in Week 4.

Yeast

   Since putting up the "Name this Blog" entry about 3 weeks ago I have gotten all sorts of correspondence from all over North America.  Most of the entries were well thought out and well intentioned.  I truly appreciate the effort you all put in.  Even the ones that were bashing me (obviously people that have read my stuff for a while) were submitted after much thought and effort to try and poke fun or humiliate me.  Love me or hate me, you guys read what I post and that's what this is all about.  Having said that, it's time to announce the winner of the contest and reveal what I will call this labor of love from this point on....

ROLLIN' - WITH THE YEAST: SUBMITTED BY JASON DUKE, BILLINGS, MT

That's right folks.  From the vast emptiness that is Montana comes our winning entry.  It is simple, yet deep on many levels.  It plays on my moniker of Yeast, and portrays what fantasy owners that follow the Yeast's advice will do - "Roll" to the title of their respective leagues.

There will be more on our winner later as I have a group of questions for him to answer so we can all get to know the guy that will be featured in my blog throughout the season.  Tune in for all the answers on our winner. 

 

Aside from all of the entries that were submitted, the second most popular subject in all of the emails I've gotten so far have been asking for me to reveal my preseason rankings for each position.  Well, since I am a blogger of the people I will break down my Overall Top 10 as well as positional rankings at Quarterback, Running Back, Wide Receiver and Tight End.  If you really need my rankings to choose a kicker or defense, please go stick your head in the oven and turn on the gas right now.  Seriously.

Rankings are based on 4pts for passing TD, 1 pt for 30 yards passing;6 pts for rush/rec TD, 1 pt for 10 yards rush/rec

OVERALL TOP 10

1. LaDanian Tomlinson
2. Steven Jackson
3. Joseph Addai
4. Larry Johnson
5. Peyton Manning
6. Frank Gore
7. Rudi Johnson
8. Brian Westbrook
9. Shaun Alexander
10. Travis Henry

Some people feel like Addai may be too high, but I think he is going to bust out this year.  Some may question Shaun Alexander not being higher, and I would agree if I knew his foot was not going to be an issue this year.

 

QUARTERBACK

1. Peyton Manning
2. Carson Palmer
3. Drew Brees
4. Tom Brady
5. Marc Bulger
6. Donovan McNabb
7. Jon Kitna
8. Phillip Rivers
9. Matt Hasselbeck
10. Tony Romo

It was tough for me to choose 8-10 because I feel that QB's 8-15 are pretty much interchangable.  You could easily see Leinart, Cutler or Young up here.  I really feel like Phillip Rivers is going to have a big year.  If you're drafting and QB's 1-7 are gone, wait a while and snag other positions before taking one.

 

RUNNING BACK

1. LaDanian Tomlinson
2. Steven Jackson
3. Joseph Addai
4. Larry Johnson
5. Frank Gore
6. Rudi Johnson
7. Brian Westbrook
8. Shaun Alexander
9. Travis Henry
10. Willis McGahee

I'm sure some of you will disagree with me having Addai at #3, but I really think he has so much of an advantage due to being on the Colts over LJ.  If your league scores points per reception then Reggie Bush vaults into the Top 5 as well as Westbrook. 

 

WIDE RECEIVER

1. Torry Holt
2. Marvin Harrison
3. Terrell Owens
4. Steve Smith
5. Reggie Wayne
6. Larry Fitzgerald
7. Roy Williams
8. Javon Walker
9. Chad Johnson
10. Lee Evans

I've seen each of the top 4 guys put at #1 in many lists, but for me there is no one better than Torry Holt.  The guys from 5-10 could easily be swapped around in any of those spots.  If I had to choose one of the second five to crack the top 5 it would be Larry Fitzgerald.  I think he is going to have a huge season.  The one guy I felt guilty about leaving out of the top 10 is Andre Johnson.  With Matt Schaub at QB in Houston I think the sky is the limit for that duo.

 

TIGHT END

1. Antonio Gates
2. Jeremy Shockey
3. Chris Cooley
4. Todd Heap
5. Kellen Winslow
6. Tony Gonzalez
7. Jason Witten
8. Vernon Davis
9. Randy McMichael
10. L.J. Smith

I know, I know....no Alge Crumpler in the top 10.  Well, with the mess that is the Atlanta Falcons I just can't put him in there.  I'm not high on Tony Gonzalez this year either, but I have a serious man-crush on Chris Cooley.  He and Jason Campbell really started to click late last year and now that the Redskins are in their 2nd year in the Al Saunders offense I think it will only get better for them from this point on.

 

There ya have it....my preseason rankings.  Now to the mailbag:

 

Yeastie - I respected you and everything you wrote about over the last few years until I saw your "The WR position is key to winning in fantasy football" post.  You sir, are a retard.   Josh - Blaine, MN

Josh,

Thank you for your constructive criticism.  While I have had my intelligence questioned many times it has never been proven that I am actually retarded.  People do say I resemble Corky from "Life Goes On" though.  Hmmmm....

 

Mr. Yeast - We loved your columns from last year in Tampa and were disappointed to hear that you left without announcing where you were going.  We thought you were cooler than that.  You're lucky we tracked you down.  Hector - Brandon, FL

Hector,

I'm not sure what scares me more...the fact that you refer to "we" when there is only 1 person named in the email or that you can track me down so easily.  Actually, I posted on my last column in Tampa that I was relocating to the Twin Cities and that I was joining the FSF.com team.  Please tell your therapist to be extra nice to you this week.

 

Yeastie - Could you please give the names of guys that I should target in the middle rounds of my draft?  After all, that is when you say teams are made or broken, right??  Alex - Des Moines, IA

Alex,

Finally a fantasy football question!!!!  As far as RB's go I would target Adrian Peterson (Minn.), LaMont Jordan and Ahman Green.  Also watch the Green Bay situation and get Brandon Jackson if he is the starter.  Santonio Holmes is my breakout WR of the year, get him in the 6th or 7th round and you'll be happy all year long.  Other guys I would go after are Kevin Curtis, Vincent Jackson and Wes Welker.

 

These are my readers folks...from angry handicapped haters to paranoid schizophrenics the group of followers to this blog are the best around.  That is why I call you the Yeastie Nation.  A melting pot of wackos that love fantasy football.  Maybe I can convince the designers here at fsf.com to come up with a design for the Yeastie Nation for those of you crazy enough to want to show your devotion to The Yeast.  From the emails I've gotten so far it looks like that will be a lot of you. 

Keep the emails coming to Yeastie@customfantasysports.com .

Yeastie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NFL camps are now in full swing.  Coaches, players and fans are getting settled in for the 2007 season.  I usually don't pay too much attention for things fantasy wise until the 2nd preseason game unless I have a draft or auction right in that time.  If that is the case I just watch for major injuries or contract situations to make sure I don't make an ass out of myself with my choices (I do enough of that naturally).  This leads me to my first rant on FSF...the people that over react to everything in the preseason. 

According to some of the emails I have gotten Ben Roethlisberger is going to be the #1 fantasy QB in the league this year after he lead the Steelers on a 80-yard TD drive against the Saints in the Hall of Fame Game Sunday night.  I've had questions from people that ask if they should now consider Big Ben over Drew Brees due to that ONE series in ONE quarter of the FIRST PRESEASON game!  I read an email that said he was considering Big Ben with the #9 overall pick in his league.  Ugh.  Seriously?

Listen guys (and gals), while the Steelers look like they will be a more wide open offense let's not get carried away here.  It was one damn series against the Saints.  Yes folks, the New Orleans Saints that couldn't stop anyone last year and haven't done too much to improve things that was running a no-frills base defense against a scripted offense that KNEW that was the kind of defensive set they were gonna see.  Starting to see my point here?  Granted, Big Ben will be better by default this year but don't get crazy.  He is a bottom tier starter and better served as a backup for a team that loaded up on RB's and WR's at this point.  If he is slinging the rock around like Peyton Manning throughout the preseason we will discuss our options then.   

I did like the way Santonio Holmes looked though.  While he is not going to be any more than a late round flier in redraft leagues for me at this point, keep an eye on him as the preseason continues especially in dynasty and deep keeper leagues.  His routes have been crisp and he looks like he knows exactly where he should be on the field.  He started to shine late last year and could break out this year, a full season ahead of my expectations.

I know, I know...I can hear the mail now.  "Yeast, how can you like Santonio after 1 game and not Ben?"

My answer is this: THE WR POSITION IS THE KEY TO WINNING CHAMPIONSHIPS IN FANTASY FOOTBALL.

Ha.  Many of you are wanting to kick me in the balls right now but let me explain.  Any moron knows that you need stellar running backs and that the dropoff in production for that position is more dramatic than any other.  So, of course everyone wants the top backs.  Let's say you get them.  You blow your wad at an auction and end up with LaDanian Tomlinson and Laurence Maroney, and someone else in your league gets Joseph Addai and Steven Jackson:  Something along those lines...obviously you're both pretty stacked at RB.  Now what is going to make the difference in whether or not your team will out perform theirs??  You both have limited funds left to fill your roster so you better spend wisely.  That is where the Wide Receiver position can make or break you.  Get my point?

Finding the guys that will perform better than expected and that can be had cheaply to fill your receiving corps will give you a leg up on the competition to pay more at the other positions.  The QB position is too deep and in some leagues devalued, so that is why I say pay attention to the wideouts.  They, like quarterbacks, take time to develop so watch for guys that were hot at the end of last year and that stand out in the preseason.  Marques Colston is a perfect example of that during the preseason last year.  I DRAFTED him in 50% of my leagues last year and picked him up off waivers in 2 more.  The only one I didn't get him in was in the league where my brother sniped him from me because he saw my blog.

So, I will end my inital FSF rant with this.  Don't get too caught up with the glitz and glamour that you will see from QB's in the preseason.  If Big Ben throws 6 more TD's than you thought he would initially, great.  In most leagues that's 18-24 points.  If he does do that?......Santonio will get at least half of those (at 6 points per TD) as well as the possible inflated yardage points over a QB and, in some cases, points per reception.  Not to mention that if he is catching more TD's, chances are he is catching a lot more between the 20's as well.  The overall advantage would go to the wide receiver choice over the quarterback fantasy wise.

On to more pressing issues.....naming this blog!

I have already received some pretty nice suggestions, and I have responded to the dozens of you that have taken the time to write to me.  If you haven't done so, please read my 8/6 posting about the contest for the name of this blog and send your ideas to yeastie@customfantasysports.com . As of right now I would have to say the leader is a guy named Jason from Billings, Montana.  Thanks for the idea Jason!

I have gotten numerous requests for rankings at positions and things of that nature.  I will list my top 5 at each position soon, so check back regularly for them! 

Yeast

There are few things that get me more excited than the preparations for an upcoming fantasy football season, but my first blog for the newly launched FSF site is one of those things.  We have prepped for the launch of this site for months (by we, I associate myself with the people that actually know HOW to run one of these sites..I just write) and when the head honcho himself, Mr. Beets, said he wanted me to be a part of this I was truly flattered and motivated. 

Then I started to get scared.  The Yeastie Report blog has been around for a while but this was a new challenge with a bigger audience.  Most of my writing, television and radio appearances have been for local markets (Minneapolis and Tampa) not a national and worldwide audience like this site will have.  "This is BIG" I thought...I have to come correct with my content or don't come at all.  I need to step up my game and take the Yeastie brand to the next level.  I have made it to the big leagues.

So I started to plan for the 2007 season.  First up, Marty asked me what I was going to name my portion of the site.  I figured I would be able to come up with something witty and clever in no time.  The Yeastie Report was named well before that title stealing son of a b____ Steven Colbert got his show on that tiny little cable channel known as Comedy Central but no one would know that.  I had to come up with something that would draw people in and make them want the Yeast to be the guy they went to for entertainment and fantasy knowledge.  I started to think about what I could call it....the new name would just pop into my head at any moment.

Any time now......

Ummmmm......errrr.....ahhhhhh.....pfffffff.....duuhhhhhhh.

Damn it!  Why wouldn't the new title just come to me like all of those smartass comments and witty one liners I say and write on a regular basis?  It was a struggle for me but surely I would come through with a name befitting everything I plan to do for FSF.

Still waiting on the new name of your column Yeast.  Let me know what's up so I can get the page design completed. - Marty

That was an actual email from Mr. Beets.  GREAT!  No pressure now Yeast!  Just the progress of a new site hanging in the balance because you have f'ing writers block.  What am I going to do?!?  I have tons of things to write about, but if I don't have a title it doesn't matter.  I have to come up with something....

Then it came to me when I least expected it.  I was in the shower one morning when I realized that there was no possible way I could come up with the name for my column.  I have overanalyzed and put too much pressure on myself to come through with it.  But, I did know just who was going to have the answer for me and solve this crisis once and for all.

YOU.

That's right, the readers and customers of FantasySportsFactory.com are going to name my blog for me.  This will be open to anyone and everyone that comes to our site.  Come up with a title for my blog and you will be a part of FSF history.  This is the idea I have been waiting for. 

So, I am going to turn things over to you.  I am going to accept any and all suggestions through the NFL preseason and announce the winner during the week leading up to kickoff of Week 1.  Send me your funny and clever title suggestions to yeastie@customfantasysports.com . Make sure they are not profane or degrading to anyone or anything.  It must be in good taste.  Also, make sure that you include your first and last name and the city and state you are from.

Here is what the winner will receive:

1. The winner will be credited in my blog when I announce it so your friends and family will believe you
2. A free logo designed by FantasySportsFactory.com along with either a custom jersey or helmet
3. A recurring part in my blog as my honorary sidekick, giving me your opinions and feedback throughout the year. 
4. All of the groupies you could ever desire (Picture it as if you were Turtle from Entourage and The Yeast is Vincent Chase)

So, without further adieu let's get this contest rolling!  Start sending in your suggestions today and good luck to everyone.  I promise I will personally respond to each and every person that takes the time to send in a title.  I will blog again in a few days to update you on the contest as well as get everyone ready for their drafts this year.

Yeastie

As a fantasy football freak and an overall pigskin junkie this is my favorite time of year.  Free agency begins, players start changing zip codes and everyone feels like their team has a shot to hoist the Lombardi Trophy.….every fan of every team has hope.

Let me give you a caveat before you read any further.  If you are not familiar with my writings over the last few seasons you probably don’t know that while my fantasy prowess is unparalleled my choices as a sports fan are horrible. My favorite pro teams are the San Francisco Giants, Los Angeles Clippers, and Cleveland Browns.  I have a dark cloud that has followed me since my pre-teen years in the mid 80’s as a Browns fan that suffered through “The Drive” in ’86, “The Fumble” in ’87 and was capped off when my beloved Browns packed up and moved to Baltimore in 1996.  If I had a neck I would have hung myself by now to stop the pain that has been the Browns since 1999 combined with watching the former Browns win a Super Bowl for the anti-christ Art Modell. I have been dragged through the bowels of hell as a sports fan for most of my life.  I hang on to the last few strands of hope, praying that someday my time will come.  Then, as fast as you can say “LaCharles Bentley” it all goes away.  Most of my nights are spent watching SportsCenter in the dark, awaiting more inevitable bad news.

But a new day is here.  The Browns won the coin toss against the Buccaneers to get the # 3 pick in the 2007 draft.  This draft class is definitely not the best in recent memory but there are still players that can make a difference.  JaMarcus Russell is a beast of a man that can chuck the ball over 80 yards.  Joe Thomas is the kind of guy that can anchor your O-line for a decade.  Thinking of Calvin Johnson alongside Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow II excites me (literally).  But what I want the most is an explosive running back that can take this offense to the next level.  The kind of guy that can grow with this team and be the catalyst to multiple playoff runs over the next few years.  That man is Adrian Peterson.  He is the man that needs to be coming up to the stage and taking pictures with that beautiful brown and orange jersey.  He is the one to help me forget about all of the terrible draft picks the Browns have made since they came back in 1999.  He is my savior.  The stars are aligned for something to go right for us Browns fans.  Forget Tim Couch, Courtney Brown and William Green.  I can even forgive the fact that we gave up a second round pick to move up from number 7 to number 6 when Kellen Winslow would have been there anyways.  Let’s start over.  Adrian Peterson will make it all go away.

Then it happened.  While I was having lunch yesterday looking at my tickets for the ACC tourney here in Tampa this weekend, enjoying myself in the beautiful weather of Central Florida I was hit with a salvo of horrible news that came at me harder than Peter North in his prime.  My Blackberry vibrated and I saw the following text message from one of my best friends and lifelong Steelers fan.

“THE BROWNS JUST SIGNED JAMAL LEWIS!  SO LONG ADRIAN PETERSON!”

I was in complete shock.  I broke out in a cold sweat.  I even threw up in my mouth a little.  I knew what was coming next.  I sat in horror, staring at my phone as seconds passed by like they were hours.  Then, with sounds like gunfire my phone started bouncing all over the table as it was bombarded with text messages from people all over the country.  My family, friends and people I work with found it amusing to send me similar messages.  With each new vibration signaling an incoming message I felt more and more violated.  I felt like Ned Beatty in Deliverance, Jodie Foster in The Accused and Tim Robbins in Shawshank Redemption rolled into one. My world was crashing down around me.  Could the Browns really be that f’ing stupid again?  Peterson is the obvious choice here, but with Lewis on the team they won’t want to pay that much money to a rookie running back.  My sources tell me they don’t want to spend that high of a pick on another wideout so Calvin Johnson is out.  I searched my mind for the player they could put in AP’s spot at #3 and none of the options seemed right.  Gaines Adams, Jamaal Anderson and Alan Branch are all HUGE reaches at #3.  LaRon Landry and Levi Brown can’t go that high. I knew there was no other option than the most horrible choice imaginable.  The choice that will set the franchise back another 5 years like Tim Couch did.  The only logical choice for the Browns given what they had just done became a reality for me as the 20th text message in 12 minutes rolled in.  This one was from my older brother.  He didn’t even put in a message of his own.  It was simply a link to an article whose headline was this:

“BROWNS IMPRESSED WITH QUINN AT HIS PRO-DAY WORKOUT”

I had seen this article before but did not read it.  I felt like if I didn’t acknowledge it then it couldn’t happen.  Just like I did in 1999 when I ignored the existence of Tim Couch hoping the Browns would take Donovan McNabb or Edgerrin James instead.   Slowly I started to accept it.  I am doomed to a life of mediocrity as a football fan.  The Browns are going to draft Brady Quinn.

The waitress at the restaurant where I was having lunch even came over and asked if I was ok.  I muttered a few obscenities as I paid my bill and left.  I called my boss and told him that I needed to take the rest of the day off.  I suddenly felt lost, like my entire world was gone.  I had to go home and do some serious soul searching.  

Once I got home it didn’t get any better.  My computer is in a room full of sports memorabilia, the majority of it being of the Browns or LSU (I attended from 91-95).  I sat at my desk, deleting email after email about the horrible event that just happened.  Then, in a brief moment of horrifying clarity I came to the one realization that I have needed to come to for the last 10 years.

I DON’T THINK I CAN BE A BROWNS FAN ANYMORE.

I am suffering from the sports equivalent of “Battered Woman Syndrome”.  You know, the woman that keeps going back to some jerk that hits her then says how sorry he is and that it won’t happen again.  Then a few weeks later the woman doesn’t bring home the right brand of ham and the guy lets Mr. Backhand come out and do a little talking again right across her cheek.  This time she is gone.  She doesn’t deserve this.  But again, he apologizes and she forgives him.  It’s a terrible cycle (even though she should have known what kind of ham to bring home).  So they are still together even though neither of them are happy.  That’s where I am at with the Browns.  The keep slapping me in the face with their blatant stupidity and for some reason I stay with them.  

Now I don’t want to bash Brady Quinn.  Well, actually I do.  He is not going to be good in the NFL.  This years’ Sugar Bowl only proved my point.  LSU was all over him, confused him and made him look incredibly ordinary.  Defenses only get better from this point on Mr. Quinn.  To me you are Heath Shuler reincarnated.  You have no right to wear the colors of my beloved Cleveland Browns.  I hope you enjoy the millions of dollars Charlie Weis, a cupcake schedule and the fact that for some reason Notre Dame is still looked at as a football powerhouse has gotten you.  I would really like to thank you for making me realize that I don’t have to put up with it anymore.  The Browns don’t care about me.  I’ve supported them for 23 of my 33 years on this earth and what do I have to show for it other than a buttload of Bernie Kosar stuff?  They don’t care about winning.  They will draft who they can market, not who can help them win.  You have helped me realize this Brady and for that I thank you.

So now I sit here and am ready to make this proclamation to the entire world.  I am going to do something that millions of fans don’t have the balls to do.  I am letting everyone know right now that if the Browns draft Brady Quinn over Adrian Peterson I am done.  I have come to my senses and will take my fanfare and dedication to another team.  This team will appreciate me and make sound decisions when it comes to how it operates.  This team will take me someplace I have never been before.  They will take me to the promised land where I get to see my favorite players holding the Lombardi Trophy while being coated in that stupid confetti they drop after end of the Super Bowl.  Most of all, they will show that they care about me.  For that, I will follow them whole-heartedly.  My new team will become:

The ARIZONA CARDINALS.

Oh boy.

As everyone already knows, The Yeast is currently enjoying the balmy weather of Central Florida as the home of TFS hunkers down for winter.  While most people here in the Sunshine State would rather have a Adolf Hitler here than a LSU alum, many people couldn’t help but notice the wonderful effect that the “Yeastie Curse” brought to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday afternoon. 

For those of you not familiar with the Yeastie Curse let me sum it up for you without going into the horrific details.  Imagine the S.I. Jinx and the Madden Curse with a pinch of Steve Bartman added to it.  I could explain it to you by telling you who my favorite pro sports teams are to give you a better understanding also; the Cleveland Browns, San Francisco Giants and Los Angeles Clippers.  Yes folks, I’m one cursed son of a gun.

I have started to develop a relationship with the media department of the Bucs and they have been gracious enough to allow me to watch a game from the press box last week and let me gain access to the visiting locker room of the Eagles this week.  I actually found myself starting to enjoy being around the practices and interacting with players and coaches.  Hell, I think Jon Gruden himself even smiled in my general direction once. They are a scrappy team that despite their record and rash of injuries has fought hard over the last few weeks, and led by a rookie QB have been trying to turn their season around. I began to root for the team from a general football perspective, especially since they have been terrible, which is a prerequisite for me to open my heart of stone to you as a franchise.

I then sat in the stands on Sunday afternoon and realized why I hate 99.6 percent of all sports fans…..and my hatred for them and their stupidity actually won the game for the Buccaneers thanks to the afore mentioned Yeastie Curse. What follows is a dramatization of actual events inside the ‘New Sombrero’ as recalled by me.

11:10 a.m. – The parking lot outside the stadium
A man of my girth can never turn down a free meal, and as I am strolling through the swampy air of Tampa towards the stadium with my laptop and media pass in hand a group of Eagles fans ask me in typical Philly fashion just “who the f*** I am” and if I am cheering for the Bucs or Eagles.  I explain who I am (ok, so I told them I was Brandon Funston) and they invite me to have a burger and a drink so they can tell me about what a genius Andy Reid is, how Donovan McNabb is the greatest QB since Ron Jaworski and how Brian Westbrook is somehow related to our lord and savior, Mr. Jesus Christ himself.  While I am tuning out the inane babbling and focusing on my burger, a group of Bucs fans start a confrontation with the group I am in.  A bunch of name calling goes on for a few moments, then the groups separate and go on with their business. 

While I am all for team spirit, one thing that bugs me is berating other teams’ fans just for showing up to support their team.  The Bucs fans were the aggressors here, not the Eagles to my surprise.  I noticed two of the fans also had on University of Florida gear as well.  Grrr…….the Yeast is not happy with Bucs fans at this point but still wants the local team to do well.  I also personally want the Eagles to lose every single game so I don’t have to see Mr. Chunky Soup and his goofy smile on SportsCenter while a cross-eyed Stuart Scott rambles in ebonics about T.O. and how he never did anything for that team.  Jesus, I’m getting pissed just typing this.

12:20 p.m. - Raymond James Stadium Concessions Area
Already a little annoyed with Bucs fans I decided to get my grub for the game (I never leave my seat after kickoff) and became even more annoyed by listening to some jackass in front of me try to teach his son about the history of the NFL.  The kid looked like a goofier version of the autistic kid from Jerry Maguire, and let’s just say the apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree in that family if you know what I mean.  Here is an actual quote from this moron, when asked by the kid who the best player to ever play for the Buccaneers was followed by a brief conversation between me and him.

Moron:  “Bo Jackson was the best player we’ve ever had son.  He was a great player.”
Yeast laughing because I thought he was kidding: “The sad thing is that I think he really is in the top 10 even though he was never even played for them.”
Moron:  “Yes he did.  We drafted him number one in 1990.  I saw him play here bef…”
Yeast:  “You can’t be serious, the guy never, ever played for the Bucs. I’ll guarantee you.”
Moron: “He most certainly did.  Besides, I wasn’t even talking to you.”

I’m not kidding.  That conversation actually took place.  Then the bastard ordered a hamburger with no bun, a hot dog with 2 buns, and a side of nacho cheese in a soda cup.  He then argued with the ex-con working the register about how they should put more carbonation in the soda.  My god I hate people sometimes.  I feel sorry for that kid and the lifetime of ass beatings he has ahead of him.  This HAS to be the low point in my day…or so I thought….

14:13 left, 2nd Quarter – Section 135, Row U Seat 23
Ronde Barber makes a great read on Mr. Chunky Soup and takes a pick to the house for a TD.  I love how the Bucs are controlling the game with their defense and managing field position well on offense.  Good fundamental football.  I then hear yet another “enlightened” fan yell out “Yew deedn’t see no deeeefense like hours when yew wuz at Penn State, MAC-NABB!!”   I turned around to find a guy who looked like an extra from Deliverance wearing a mustard stained Dale Earnhardt shirt and cutoff jeans.  Not sure if he had shoes, but he was definitely missing at least 4 teeth.  Somebody please put a bullet in my head. 

I sat in stunned belief at the stupidity all around me and watched the Bucs harass “MAC-NABB”, all while listening to more and more idiots around me celebrating as if the home team was ass-raping the Raiders in the Superbowl all over again.  The Bucs kept fighting, showing their guts on a sweltering day.  Halftime came and went.  About halfway through the 3rd quarter Barber ran another one back.  BUCS 17 – EAGLES 0.   The scrappy little team that could was winning and looking good.  I wasn’t really rooting for either team at this point.  I was just glad to see a hard hitting, well played game.  Then came the quote that became the turning point in the game, season and possibly the history of the Buccaneers franchise.  The straw that broke the camel’s back.  I don’t know who exactly proclaimed this, but it was in a similar inbred accent to the Nascar guy….

“Grad-kew-skee is the real deal.  He is by far the best rookie QB in the league and I think we can take the division and challenge in the NFC.”

That was it.  I was done.  I don’t know if I made any audible noises but inside I was screaming things that I shouldn’t repeat anywhere, let alone in a sea of rednecks that had no knowledge of the best sport in the world.  Right then and there I started to root for the Eagles.  I didn’t tell anyone.  I didn’t cheer as Chunky Soup and Blood of Christ led the Eagles back into the game.  17-7……17-14….Crowd gets quiet.  Gruden starts to become a dummy according to the fans.  20-14….Gruden is a genius again. Everyone is celebrating….

2:49 left in the game:  BUCS 20 – EAGLES 14
Everyone is cheering.  I turn to the guy next to me and say the following words.  “There is too much time left…Chunky is gonna win the game for the Eagles.”  I then repeat it louder for the inbreds to hear.  “THERE’S TOO MUCH TIME LEFT…THE DEFENSE IS WORN OUT”.  I then realize that I should never have said those words.  There are only two possible outcomes of the game at this point for me.  A) Chunky Soup leads the Eagles to victory and I can’t contain my jubilation, run my mouth off and get pummeled by insane rednecks. B) McNabb doesn’t lead them to a win, I run my mouth off and get  pummeled by insane rednecks.  What the hell….these people are idiots.  I begin to cheer for the Eagles as if I had eaten Geno’s cheesesteaks all my life.  McNabb hits Westbrook…..52 YARD TOUCHDOWN!!!!!  33 seconds left and I’m squealing like a little girl.  People are swearing at me, throwing things at me.  I think I was called “Fat Bastard” 248 times.  But it was all worth it.  I had my satisfaction.  The Eagles were gonna win.  I might die but I am gonna die happy. 

Then it happens. Grad-kew-skee somehow gets the team to the Eagles 45.  Matt Bryant, the former pawn shop worker that sounds like everyone of these fans here when he talks strolls out onto the field and drops a 62 yard bomb to win the game.  I haven’t been so crushed since Earnest Byner fumbled heading into the end zone in the 1987 AFC Championship Game.  People were shoving me, spitting on me and throwing anything they could find at me.

The Yeastie Curse had struck again.

I made my way to the Eagles locker room, listened to Chunky talk about how crushing this loss was.  I walked around for about an hour after that so I didn’t have to face anyone in the lot on the way out.  In my hate and anger I had changed the outcome of the game and the fate of the Bucs.  Matt Bryant will be remembered as the one that won the game, but deep down all those people in Section 135 will all know who was truly responsible for the amazing, dramatic win.  Monday October 23, 2006 was named Matt Bryant day here in Tampa.  I fully expect to receive my award at the end of the year when Grad-kew-skee raises the Lombardi trophy in Superbowl XLI.