As a fantasy football freak and an overall pigskin junkie this is my favorite time of year.  Free agency begins, players start changing zip codes and everyone feels like their team has a shot to hoist the Lombardi Trophy.….every fan of every team has hope.

Let me give you a caveat before you read any further.  If you are not familiar with my writings over the last few seasons you probably don’t know that while my fantasy prowess is unparalleled my choices as a sports fan are horrible. My favorite pro teams are the San Francisco Giants, Los Angeles Clippers, and Cleveland Browns.  I have a dark cloud that has followed me since my pre-teen years in the mid 80’s as a Browns fan that suffered through “The Drive” in ’86, “The Fumble” in ’87 and was capped off when my beloved Browns packed up and moved to Baltimore in 1996.  If I had a neck I would have hung myself by now to stop the pain that has been the Browns since 1999 combined with watching the former Browns win a Super Bowl for the anti-christ Art Modell. I have been dragged through the bowels of hell as a sports fan for most of my life.  I hang on to the last few strands of hope, praying that someday my time will come.  Then, as fast as you can say “LaCharles Bentley” it all goes away.  Most of my nights are spent watching SportsCenter in the dark, awaiting more inevitable bad news.

But a new day is here.  The Browns won the coin toss against the Buccaneers to get the # 3 pick in the 2007 draft.  This draft class is definitely not the best in recent memory but there are still players that can make a difference.  JaMarcus Russell is a beast of a man that can chuck the ball over 80 yards.  Joe Thomas is the kind of guy that can anchor your O-line for a decade.  Thinking of Calvin Johnson alongside Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow II excites me (literally).  But what I want the most is an explosive running back that can take this offense to the next level.  The kind of guy that can grow with this team and be the catalyst to multiple playoff runs over the next few years.  That man is Adrian Peterson.  He is the man that needs to be coming up to the stage and taking pictures with that beautiful brown and orange jersey.  He is the one to help me forget about all of the terrible draft picks the Browns have made since they came back in 1999.  He is my savior.  The stars are aligned for something to go right for us Browns fans.  Forget Tim Couch, Courtney Brown and William Green.  I can even forgive the fact that we gave up a second round pick to move up from number 7 to number 6 when Kellen Winslow would have been there anyways.  Let’s start over.  Adrian Peterson will make it all go away.

Then it happened.  While I was having lunch yesterday looking at my tickets for the ACC tourney here in Tampa this weekend, enjoying myself in the beautiful weather of Central Florida I was hit with a salvo of horrible news that came at me harder than Peter North in his prime.  My Blackberry vibrated and I saw the following text message from one of my best friends and lifelong Steelers fan.

“THE BROWNS JUST SIGNED JAMAL LEWIS!  SO LONG ADRIAN PETERSON!”

I was in complete shock.  I broke out in a cold sweat.  I even threw up in my mouth a little.  I knew what was coming next.  I sat in horror, staring at my phone as seconds passed by like they were hours.  Then, with sounds like gunfire my phone started bouncing all over the table as it was bombarded with text messages from people all over the country.  My family, friends and people I work with found it amusing to send me similar messages.  With each new vibration signaling an incoming message I felt more and more violated.  I felt like Ned Beatty in Deliverance, Jodie Foster in The Accused and Tim Robbins in Shawshank Redemption rolled into one. My world was crashing down around me.  Could the Browns really be that f’ing stupid again?  Peterson is the obvious choice here, but with Lewis on the team they won’t want to pay that much money to a rookie running back.  My sources tell me they don’t want to spend that high of a pick on another wideout so Calvin Johnson is out.  I searched my mind for the player they could put in AP’s spot at #3 and none of the options seemed right.  Gaines Adams, Jamaal Anderson and Alan Branch are all HUGE reaches at #3.  LaRon Landry and Levi Brown can’t go that high. I knew there was no other option than the most horrible choice imaginable.  The choice that will set the franchise back another 5 years like Tim Couch did.  The only logical choice for the Browns given what they had just done became a reality for me as the 20th text message in 12 minutes rolled in.  This one was from my older brother.  He didn’t even put in a message of his own.  It was simply a link to an article whose headline was this:

“BROWNS IMPRESSED WITH QUINN AT HIS PRO-DAY WORKOUT”

I had seen this article before but did not read it.  I felt like if I didn’t acknowledge it then it couldn’t happen.  Just like I did in 1999 when I ignored the existence of Tim Couch hoping the Browns would take Donovan McNabb or Edgerrin James instead.   Slowly I started to accept it.  I am doomed to a life of mediocrity as a football fan.  The Browns are going to draft Brady Quinn.

The waitress at the restaurant where I was having lunch even came over and asked if I was ok.  I muttered a few obscenities as I paid my bill and left.  I called my boss and told him that I needed to take the rest of the day off.  I suddenly felt lost, like my entire world was gone.  I had to go home and do some serious soul searching.  

Once I got home it didn’t get any better.  My computer is in a room full of sports memorabilia, the majority of it being of the Browns or LSU (I attended from 91-95).  I sat at my desk, deleting email after email about the horrible event that just happened.  Then, in a brief moment of horrifying clarity I came to the one realization that I have needed to come to for the last 10 years.

I DON’T THINK I CAN BE A BROWNS FAN ANYMORE.

I am suffering from the sports equivalent of “Battered Woman Syndrome”.  You know, the woman that keeps going back to some jerk that hits her then says how sorry he is and that it won’t happen again.  Then a few weeks later the woman doesn’t bring home the right brand of ham and the guy lets Mr. Backhand come out and do a little talking again right across her cheek.  This time she is gone.  She doesn’t deserve this.  But again, he apologizes and she forgives him.  It’s a terrible cycle (even though she should have known what kind of ham to bring home).  So they are still together even though neither of them are happy.  That’s where I am at with the Browns.  The keep slapping me in the face with their blatant stupidity and for some reason I stay with them.  

Now I don’t want to bash Brady Quinn.  Well, actually I do.  He is not going to be good in the NFL.  This years’ Sugar Bowl only proved my point.  LSU was all over him, confused him and made him look incredibly ordinary.  Defenses only get better from this point on Mr. Quinn.  To me you are Heath Shuler reincarnated.  You have no right to wear the colors of my beloved Cleveland Browns.  I hope you enjoy the millions of dollars Charlie Weis, a cupcake schedule and the fact that for some reason Notre Dame is still looked at as a football powerhouse has gotten you.  I would really like to thank you for making me realize that I don’t have to put up with it anymore.  The Browns don’t care about me.  I’ve supported them for 23 of my 33 years on this earth and what do I have to show for it other than a buttload of Bernie Kosar stuff?  They don’t care about winning.  They will draft who they can market, not who can help them win.  You have helped me realize this Brady and for that I thank you.

So now I sit here and am ready to make this proclamation to the entire world.  I am going to do something that millions of fans don’t have the balls to do.  I am letting everyone know right now that if the Browns draft Brady Quinn over Adrian Peterson I am done.  I have come to my senses and will take my fanfare and dedication to another team.  This team will appreciate me and make sound decisions when it comes to how it operates.  This team will take me someplace I have never been before.  They will take me to the promised land where I get to see my favorite players holding the Lombardi Trophy while being coated in that stupid confetti they drop after end of the Super Bowl.  Most of all, they will show that they care about me.  For that, I will follow them whole-heartedly.  My new team will become:

The ARIZONA CARDINALS.

Oh boy.